GenderLife Forum: The Information Exchange

A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!

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I've just been 2 my first Muslim birthday party! Musical chairs was a bit slow but Fuck me, pass the parcel was fast!

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2 Irish couples decide to swap partners. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that's the best sex I've ever had, I wonder how the girls got on?

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If mothers Celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day, lovers celebrate valentines day, do wankers celebrate palm Sunday?

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Paddy weighs 20st, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should loose 5lbs.' When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 4st. 'That?S amazing the doc said'...Paddy nodded...'I'll tell you be Jesus, I taut I was gonna drop dead by DA 3rd day.' 'What from hunger said the doc?'...'No from the fuckinG skipping!'

Three gents were drinking apple martinis in a bar and had gotten to the stage of arguing about details.

“I tell you it’s spelled W-O-O-M,” the first said loudly.

“No no, no,” the second protested. “It’s W-O-O-0-M.’

“You’re both wrong,” the third ventured.

“I say it’s W-O-O-M-B.”

A gynecologst passing spoke up. “You’re getting close,” she told them. “Actually, it’s W-O-M-B.”

They stared at her a moment, then stared at each other. Finally one spoke:

“Madam,” he said, “it’s obvious that you’ve never heard an elephant fart.”

There was a young man from Glenglozle
Who found a remarkable fossil
He deduced from the bend
And the wart on the end
'Twas the peter of Paul the Apostle

yesterday i was stopped by a tourist
he asked me the quickest way to hospital ?



so i pushed the cunt under a bus

Technology

An American, a Finn and a Swede are in the sauna together. Suddenly there is a "beep beep" sound, and the American starts to look at the palm of his hand.

"What are you doing?" asks the Finn. The American replies

"This is the latest Motorola technology. I've got my pager embedded in the palm of my hand, so I don't have to carry it around any more."

Then the familiar old Nokia ring tone is heard, and the Finn starts looking at the palm of his hand.

"What are you doing?" ask the other guys. The Finn replies

"This is the latest Nokia technology. I've got my mobile phone embedded in the palm of my hand, so I don't have to carry it around any more."

The Swede thinks to himself that he'd better not be outdone by these guys, so he leaves the sauna. In a couple of minutes he returns, and there is toilet paper hanging out of his bum!

"What the hell is that??" shout the other guys in unison.

"I'm getting a fax." says the Swede.

That's good. :P

Bus load of nuns die in a crash and go to heaven
on arrival st peter asks the first nun

" have you ever had contact with a penis ?

ist nun replies " i touched one once with my fingers

St peter replies " well dip it in holy water

he then asks the next nun ..i fondled one with my hand "

put your hand in holy water he says


sudenly theres a commotion a nun has pushed her way to the front
st peter asks "whats up ?

the nun replies
" if im going to gargle that water i want to do it before sister ann puts her arse in it

WELCOME TO THE PSYCHOLOGY CLINIC HELPLINE:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are passive-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you are codependent, please press 2 for the passive-dependent person.

If you are manic-depressive, press 0 gently, then 9 hard, then 0 gently, then 9 hard.

If you have multiple personality disorder, press 3, 4, 5, 6, & 7 followed by ####.

If you have borderline personality disorder, press 8 for help, then hang up. Call back immediately raging about being ignored. Then began crying and apologize profusely for losing your temper. Repeat process.

If you are paranoid or delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line and we'll trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

Galaxy Girl that phone number list is of no use to me. I can't even remember the phone number for 911.

Gee, I see what you mean.

FWIW, the first thing I think about when 911 is mentioned is neither "emergency call" nor "the twin towers attack." The first mental image I get is of a Ruf RTurbo (tuned Porsche 996 Turbo) flogging all 575+ horses through twisties on the Nordschleife of the 'Ring. Just skip to the 4 minute mark on this amazing video.



Okay, now back to bad jokes. lol :P