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#187215 - 07/02/06 11:20 AM
Re: natalie`s bad joke corner
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Frequent Flyer
Registered: 01/30/06
Loc: Portland, Or.
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An Irish man is sittin in a pub one night when 3 Englishmen walked in. The men sit down, and start to talk about how they can anger the Irishman... The first man says, "Watch this..." He gets up, walks over to the Irishman, and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a [censored]." The Irishman just replies, "Oh, is that so now?" The Englishman, goes back to his seat perplexed, when his friend jumps up and says, "Here, lemme try that." So he goes over to the Irishman and says, "Hey man, I hear your St. Patrick was a transvestite [censored]!" The Irishman only replies, "Oh, is that so now?" So the Englishman, frustrated goes and sits down with his friends. When the 3rd Englishman jumps up and says, "Well, now, I gotta try that!" So he walks over to the Irishman and says, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was an ENGLISHMAN!" And the Irishman replies, "Aye, that's what your friends were sayin."
Two English men are walking along O'Connell Street when they see a sign in a shop window. Suits £15.00, shirts £2.00, trousers £2.50. One said to the other one "Look at that - we could buy a lot of that gear and, when we get back to England we could make a fortune, When we go into the shop don't say anything, let me do all the talking, cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us, so I'll speak in my best Irish accent."
They go in and he orders, 50 suits at £15.00, 100 shirts at £2.00 and 50 trousers at £2.50 The owner of the shop says "You're English aren't you?"
The Englishman replies "Oh bother... Yes, how the hell did you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners..."
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened. The Irishman too , picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer and then started yelling "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"
There's an English man, Irish man and a Scotsman. They're being chased by a policeman. They see this old warehouse so they run in. Inside there are 3 empty sacks on the floor. They each jump in a sack. In comes the copper and see's these three bundles on the floor. Goes up to the first one and kicks it. The English man shout out, "Woof Woof", and the copper thinking it's just an old dog leaves it and kicks the second sack. The Scotsman yells out, "Me-ow me-ow", he leaves this one as well thinking its just an old cat. He walks over to the last sack and kicks it, and the Irish man yells out.. "Potatoes Potatoes..!"
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#187216 - 07/02/06 09:16 PM
Re: natalie`s bad joke corner
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Weather Mouse
Registered: 06/28/04
Loc: Metro Detroit...
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Karen's note...I think we should employ Mme Guillotine on the nobility of this day and age...
One day during the French revolution, three men were led up to die. One was a lawyer, one was a doctor, and the third was an engineer.
The lawyer was to die first. He was led to the guillotine, the attending priest blessed him, and he knelt with his head on the guillotine.
The blade was released, but stopped halfway down its path. The priest, seeing an opportunity, quickly said, "Gentlemen, God has spoken and said this man is to be spared; we cannot kill him." The executioner agreed, and the lawyer was set free.
The doctor was next. He was blessed by the priest, then knelt and placed his head down. The blade was released, and again stopped halfway down. Again the priest intervened: "Gentlemen, God has again spoken; we cannot kill this man." The executioner agreed and the doctor was set free.
At last it was the engineer's turn. He was blessed by the priest, and knelt, but before he placed his head on the guillotine he looked up.
Suddenly, he yelled out, "Oh, I think I see the problem!!!!
_________________________
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anais Nin
You can blow out a candle
But you can't blow out a fire
Once the flames begin to catch
The wind will blow it higher ~ Peter Gabriel Biko
"Real isn't how you are made. It's a thing that happens to you." The Velveteen Rabbit
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