GenderLife Forum: The Information Exchange

A three-legged cowboy dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He
sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my
paw."

My aunt used to tell me there were three kinds of sex in a marriage. There was exciting sex, necessary sex, and hallway sex. "Exciting sex is when you're first married and you can't wait to get at each other. Necessary sex is after you've been married for seven or eight years and it's more of a chore than anything else.

Hallway sex is after you've been married for thirty or forty years and you pass each other in the hallway and say "Fuck you!"

In honor of the family matriarch's 93rd birthday, all her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren decide to throw a big birthday party. Granny is rolled out in her wheelchair into the center of the activity, but because she's a little hard of hearing and also talks softly, after a while everyone gets to talking amongst themselves and sorta ignore Granny.

After a while someone notices that Granny is leaning a bit forward in her wheelchair, so they go over and help straighten her back up. A while later someone else notices that Granny's starting to lean a bit to the left, so they go over and put a pillow beside her to help her sit up straight. And a while after that someone notices that Granny's now leaning a bit to the right, so they push a pillow in on the other side to help her sight straight. But no one really stays with her to visit.

Granny has one sweet grandson who notices that Granny's been left pretty much to herself. He goes over and genuinely tries to have a conversation with her by remember to talk a little louder than normal and leaning close to listern to her. He say's, "It's great to have you here Granny. I really love you. Are you enjoying the party?"

And Granny replies, "Oh yes sweetheart, the party's lot of fun, but I wish they'd just let me fart."

A man is waiting for wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.

Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!

The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.

Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.

The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.

The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, "That boy should have quit while he was a head."

tom Visits Dave ,,who is laid up with a broken leg

dave says " me feet are freezing mate can you nip upstairs and get my slippers?

" No Problem " says Tom

Upstairs Daves stunning 19 year old twin daughters are sitting on there bed

Hello Girls your dad sent me upstairs to shag you two" says tom

"Fuck Off you Liar " they said

"I'll Prove it " Says Tom
and he shouts downstairs

" Both Of Them Dave ? "

"Of Course! Whats the point of Fucking One!!

An irishman walking down the street and sees this young boy crying

The man says to the little boy " what you crying for ? "

Young boy says " me mam just died "

Oh be jeezus says the man
" do you want me to get father jack for you ? "

Young boy relies " no thank you sex is the last thing on my mind at the moment

A man recently went entirely deaf. He says to his wife "We are going to need a code for when we want sex, so if I grab your breast, that means I want sex. To say YES rub my penis once, if NOT then rub it 50 times"

I was driving on the freeway the other day when I had a flat tire. No problem, I can handle it. I opened the trunk and took out two full size cardboard photo cut-outs of men and stood them up behind the car facing traffic. They are pictures of men in trench coats, open in front, and totally nude.

After waiting a few minutes traffic begins to slow down, and people change lanes to go by me. So I get out the jack and spare and begin changing the tire.

Unfortunately, the traffic slow down also catches the attention of a state trooper who pulls up behind me. He walks up to me and say's, "What's the meaning of this?" I tell him I'm changing a flat tire, and he say's, "No, those".

"Silly trooper", I tell him, "those are my Emergency Flashers".

A no-good husband had been laying out, drinking and chasing women, then came home about 3am. Knowing he would be in BIG trouble, he came up with a plan...
he'd sneak into the bedroom and perform oral sex on the wife.
THAT always made her happy. Sure enough, he snuck into the dark bedroom, slipped quietly over to the bed and did the oral sex. She sleepily moaned and groaned, so he knew everything was ok.
Afterwards, he went into the bathroom to brush his teeth. When he flipped on the light, to his astonishment, he saw his wife sitting on the toilet!
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??" He yells!
"shhhh", she whispered..."you'll wake Mother!"

a local chicken farmer is hiring staff for xmas $10 an hour !!

i told em about your experience handling cocks

so you all start tommorow