GenderLife Forum: The Information Exchange

A selection of my top tips.


FOOL your neighbours into thinking you've gone insane by inviting them around for dinner and then greeting them at the door naked with "HELP ME" cut into your chest with a razor blade, eating shit out of an icecream container. Watch them laugh as you reveal it was all a joke.

SMOKERS, save money by going to a smoky old fashioned bar and rolling up the curtains into a giant cigarette. Light one end..and HEY PRESTO..a cig with about 20 years of smoke in one go.

CONVINCE your neighbours opposite that you have a fancy new PC by staring into the corner of the room whilst tapping on an oblong piece of wood, pausing occasionally to masturbate furiously.

GROCERS, pretend you are a shopping channel TV host by talking to your customers about your onions in a patronising way for 3 hours.

MOUNTAIN BIKERS, stop that annoying squeal from your brakes by making sure you oil the rims of your bike before attempting that tricky cliff edge descent.

SAFARI PARK visitors. Stop monkeys climbing all over your car by gluing broken glass all over the hood and roof.

YOUNG MOTHERS. Pretend to be unbelievably dull and unimaginative by meeting other young mothers in the park and only ever talking about your children.

SPERM, makes ideal 00-gauge tadpoles for model railway ponds.

GIRLS, get all those 70s bell-bottom jeans from the wardrobe, cutting the legs off and sewing them back on upside down. They will then fit you again once more.

COMMUTERS, make that bus come quicker by standing on the corner looking for it coming down the road, then running back to the bus stop when it appears.

AVOID paper cuts by cutting off all the sharp edges of the paper before handling.

MEN, make women think you are a good lover by cutting scratches on your back with a fork before walking shirtless along a beach.

RATS, improve your image by attatching a small brush to your arse and pretend to be a squirrel.

AMTRAK employees, retain an air of mystery by never giving accurate information.

HIGHWAY departments, save money on road signs by simply sticking a bunch of flowers on every dangerous bend.

MAKE your new neighbours regret moving in to your street, by introducing yourself as the senior resident and telling them that we like things just the way they are.

STOP nosy neighbours from knowing which room you are in by stealthily crawling around the house on all fours.

Mad, madder by the day and double at night

Hey Dagny is this a post our own tips kinda thread? This could be fun.

Sure ya could.

Always burn your old clothes because the needy would be embarrassed to be seen in them.

Never turn on a blow dryer while a cat is sitting on your shoulder

hehe, spot on with the tone, good ones!

ok more from me.

HELP the local police by popping into the mortuary each day to see if you identify any of the bodies.

USING string, nails and pulleys, it is possible to turn on the taps in the bathroom from your living room.

DON'T waste money on first class stamps. Simply write your letters a few days earlier and send them second class.

AVOID complete misery and possible suicide by moving away from Ohio.

DRILL a one inch hole in the door of your fridge. This will allow you to check that the light goes off when you close the door.

FOOL your neighbours into thinking you have an expensive car alarm by sleeping in your car each night and sounding the horn for one minute at irregular intervals.

STOP your Canary from flying around its cage by placing bulldog clips on each of its wings.

MAKE your neighbours think you've had a house fire by blackening all your windows with shoe polish and throwing your mattress out into the garden.

NEXT time you have a party, make all your visitors swallow a small numbered disc..so that if they throw up all over your nice white sofa...you can instantly identify the culprit!

FOOL people into thinking you're an octopus by drinking a gallon of ink and farting every time you are startled.

Gold!

Paint one nipple red, one black, then put (+) and (-) signs under each, respectively.

OMG Karen! I can't believe anyone would do that. I mean that sucks. Its like so polarity driven.

never listen to religious preachers as they are boring

always say please and thank you b4 and after sex repectfully even if it was crap


always roll over and stay on his side of the bed during and after sex for 10 minutes so your side of the bed dont get wet and sticky