FIRST TRANSSEXUAL:
Aye, very passable, that, very passable she is.
SECOND TRANSSEXUAL:
Nothing like a high class French transsexual prostitute, eh, Jacqueline?
THIRD TRANSSEXUAL:
You're right there, Ophelia.
FOURTH TRANSSEXUAL:
Who'd have thought thirty year ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking with a French transsexual prostitute, eh?
FIRST TRANSSEXUAL:
In them days we was glad to have a crossdressing trawler captain.
SECOND TRANSSEXUAL:
a fishy crossdressing trawler captain.
FOURTH TRANSSEXUAL:
Without a shave or shower.
THIRD TRANSSEXUAL:
Or even a rice filled condom.
FIRST TRANSSEXUAL:
In a holey bra, an' all.
FOURTH TRANSSEXUAL:
Oh, we never had condoms. We used to have to pad our bras with old newspaper
SECOND TRANSSEXUAL:
The best we could manage was a piece of damp cloth.
THIRD TRANSSEXUAL:
But you know, we were happy in those days, though times were ‘ard.
FIRST TRANSSEXUAL:
Because times were ‘ard. My old Dad used to say to me, "Passing doesn’t mean everything, missy".
FOURTH TRANSSEXUAL:
Aye, 'e was right.
FIRST TRANSSEXUAL:
Aye, 'e was.
FOURTH TRANSSEXUAL:
I was happier then and I had nothin'. We used to wear stockings with great big holes in ‘em.
SECOND TRANSSEXUAL:
Stockings! You were lucky to have ‘em! We used to gather up wet strings from the gutter and weave ‘em into fishnets.
THIRD TRANSSEXUAL:
Eh, you were lucky to have a gutter, we ‘ad to gather ours out of the sewers!
FIRST TRANSSEXUAL:
Oh, we used to dream of picking wet string out o’ the sewers! We ‘ad to braid our legs hairs into patterns and ‘ope that no-one would notice. A sewer would ha’ been a gold mine to us! We used to use old kitchen utensils for earrin’s and pierce ourselves with rusty nails!
FOURTH TRANSSEXUAL:
Well, when I say 'stockings' ‘twas only a sheet of tarpaulin with ‘oles for our legs, but they was stockings to us.
SECOND TRANSSEXUAL:
Out strings from the gutter fell to bits and we had to use fish guts from the lake.
THIRD TRANSSEXUAL:
You were lucky to have fish guts! After our strings rotted off in the sewers, we ‘ah to dye our legs black with rat’s blood.
FIRST TRANSSEXUAL:
Rat’s blood?
THIRD TRANSSEXUAL:
Aye.
FIRST TRANSSEXUAL:
You were lucky. We used wino spit for three months as eyeliner. We used to have to coax ‘em into spitting at ‘omosexuals, then collect it in a bent spoon and apply it with old handkerchiefs. And it took us 10 years to transition!
SECOND TRANSSEXUAL:
Luxury. We used to have to do FFS with a rusty coathanger, use fertiliser as ‘ormones and transitioning took us 20 years!
THIRD TRANSSEXUAL:
Well, of course, we had it tough. There weren’t no such thing as FFS or ‘ormones, we ‘ad to lop off our bollocks with a piano wire then break each other’s jaws with a hammer and it took us 50 years to transition!
FOURTH TRANSSEXUAL:
Right. I had to do SRS with a red-hot car tailpipe, pour sulphuric acid on my face, stitch a horse’s tail to my receding hairline, do electrolysis with a car battery and a pair of steak knives and we’d only transition in Hell, after we was dead.
FIRST TRANSSEXUAL:
And you try and tell the young TS people of today that...they won't believe you.
ALL:
They won't!
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