GenderLife Forum: The Information Exchange

I spoke with my psychologist last week, and she told me that the best way to come out to her was a little at a time. Do any of you girls have any suggestions of how to start?
She is aware of the crossdressing, and knows that I've done it since early childhood. I have recently moved out of our home, to allow myself to live full time, at home at least, as a woman. I have been on spiro for one month, and will begin estrogen at the end of August.She believes that I left her for another woman! It's been a long time since there was marital bliss, but I really do love her, and I know that she loves me. I am desperately hopeful that she will allow me to stay close to our family, but so much hinges on the delivery. Any thoughts would be welcome.

Perhaps ask the psychologist if she could write you a letter to give to your wife, explaining the situation; or perhaps she could give your wife a phone call, outlining what is going on?
Your wife might find it all more acceptable from an 'official' source.

Disclaimer
This is based on my personal experience only.

I told my spouse I was TS 9 years ago. She is a licensed mental health counselor. It took 8 years before she could begin to understand the full implications of what it meant.

I told my mother about 5 years ago. It wasn't until very recently that she began to understand the implications of what it meant.

Granted, I had been fighting this with all my strength and miserable until having an epiphany last year, but just because you tell them, and they seem to understand, doesn't mean it has registered emotionally at all.

My advice would be to write a letter and allow her to read it in your presence. Ask her to finish the letter before asking questions, and then prepare to be supportive.

I've heard horror stories where women were asked to leave immediately and never return upon disclosing, and I've heard of spouses taking it in stride. I believe the former outnumber the latter considerably, and most cases fall somewhere in between.

If you'd like to see a copy of the letter I wrote, pm me and I'd be willing to share.

Well, I've still never understood how one could have GID, then get married and then have children..but good luck.

I've never understood why people like McDonald's, so I guess we're even.

Aw it is quite easy darling, I did it twice

Oh yes btw...I have a decent letter that I composed before transtioning that I will be happy to send you if you'd like.
Just pm me.

jenny, your mailbox is full
K

by the way, having been born in a male body, I did also stand up to pee for many years.

Me neither

Maybe they wanted to have children. Lots of women do!

McDonalds..heh. I've set foot in one about 4 times in my life. Subway is my addiction.

Well I did too,but I could never deceive someone like that(I was aware of my GID situation at a young age).For me personally,it just wasn't the right thing to do.

Apparently not very much or you'd have some or I guess you didn't like having sex with women.
Boy I did!

I've never done that(have sex with a woman-just couldn't do it)

Gosh Mickey D's yuck. This reminded me of when my boss' boss gave some of us $5 McD gift cards. She makes about 100+k/yr lol.

Being bi, I don't have an issue with either gender in bed.

A bed? What about the jacuzzi? 16 people on the carpet with Bolero playing and everybody giving thanks to O'Leary can be quite entertaining too.

Hey I did the hot tub thing...once. That sucked butt.

Well you got me there. I always preferred the frontal approach to the ole dirt trail.

My goodness you, naughty little first cousin. Stay away from that backdoor or we'll have to sic the hounds upon thee lol.

Speaking of that have you ever had sex with an animal?

I noticed this is all in a public forum so I thought that was a fair question. May as well entertain the general pubic don't ya think?

I think I'm starting to see why Dags is tempted to go to your church. That place is rockin'!

Sounds like someone woke up on the “tranny-er than thou” side of the bed.


I’m not addicted, but if I have to grab something quick, Subway is my only acceptable ‘fast-food’ choice.

Back on topic. I would suggest taking your wife with you, when you see your therapist next, an let her sit in on session.

Mine goes to all my sessions, that way she can talk to a professional, about her problems, or concerns.

After the initial disclosure, this is an excellent suggestion! We go to therapy together as well.

In my opinion you did exactly that. The other woman is you. Let me suggest that she married a man. She has no problems that need addressing other than how to proceed now that her husband has died or morphed or whatever. I am saying this from direct personal experience and not criticizing you. All too often I see Ts get all wound up about the problems their ex or their spouse or their family have and how horrible the attitude of loved ones turns out to be. In my opinion you must not place blame on anyone including yourself although accepting the fact that you did practice some deceit might be healthy for everyone concerned. I did that. AS much as I married out of love and as much as I believed at the time that I was "cured" I did in fact hide my GID from her so many years ago. Guess what. That was wrong. I ultimately paid the price. She has forgiven me -- at least in words but the scars are on both of us.

On a brighter note you asked for a way through this mess. I can only tell you what worked and is working for me. I love my ex and my daughters enough to die for them. They also love me and I am accepted by both daughters and my ex but I stay out of my daughters teenage lives such as school activities and social events with friends because I chose to do that. They are contending with enough transition right now since they are 16 and 14 and of course were several years younger when I outed myself fully to them.

Since I will die for them I decided to give them everything except just what I need to live on and I also committed too as much support for all three as I can possibly provide economically. That did away with any need for attorneys. They get everything (I did have srs before I made that decision).

I prayed for a man to enter my ex's life and sure enough she found a really great guy. He is living with her in the home we still own together because the real estate market has prevented its sale for the moment. He is sleeping in her bed and I am sure they are having wonderful sex. It couldn't happen to a nicer lady. She is now a very close girlfriend. She and I share a bind of love most GF's do not. Its just no longer a spousal love.

We have never gone to a counselor together. There was no need. She is straight and she is the one who finally took the correct position that I needed to move forward and the marriage was dead. At that time we had not had sex in about 8 or nine years and very little at all for 12 years.

Your path will be different than mine. It will be painful emotionally. My best advice is cling to the love when you are in pain. Do not even think she has a problem no matter how nasty or un-acceptingly she may seem at times. Open up fully to her but do not try to hurt her in any way. Just love her. No harsh words. Just love.

Hope my perspective helps. It has been tested by fire and is proven - at least for me. May God be with you.