GenderLife Forum: The Information Exchange

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet, and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

An oldie but certainly worth a repeat.

A feminist visits Kabul just after the fall of the Taliban & is not pleased to find that women must walk 5 paces behind the men. A year later she returns & is delighted to find that men must now walk 5 paces behind women. She asked the interpreter "what brought about the change?" He replied "land mines!"

wife turns round to her husband and asks
"what is reincarnation ?"

the husband replies " its when you die and come back as something else "

she says " I think I would like to be reincarnated as a pig "

he replies " your not listening ........."

Sure fire way to get rid of more than 200 pounds of ugly fat ------------------------------->
Divorce him.

oh dear.

Well, here it is.

Q - What do you call a hooker with a runny nose?
A - Full

And yes, it gets more disgusting the more you think about it.

This is allegedly a true story, and if it's not it should be.

As Beth told the story...

All methods have tricked me with their promises of easy, painless removal - the Epilady, the standard razor, the scissors, the Nair, the EpilStop, and now . . The Wax.

My night began as any other normal weekday night.

I came home from work, fixed dinner for my son and we played for a while. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next couple hours: maybe I should use that wax in my medicine cabinet.

I set up my boy with a video and head to the site of my demise, um, I mean bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits.

No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the clear strips in your hand, peel them apart, press it on your leg (or wherever) and ignore the frantically rising crescendo of string instruments in the background.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can this be?

I mean, I'm not the girly-est of girls but I'm mechanically inclined so maybe I can figure out how this works.

You'd think.

So I pull one of the thin strips out.

It's two strips facing each other, stuck together.

I'm supposed to rub it in my hand to warm and soften the wax
(I'm guessing).

I go one better:

I pull out the hair dryer and heat the SOB to ten thousand degrees.

Cold wax, my ass. (Oh, how that phrase will come back to haunt me.)

I lay the strip across my thigh.

I hold the skin around it and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't bad.

I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!

I am Sheera, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire!

With my next wax strip, I move north.

After checking on the boy and verifying that he was, in fact, becoming one with Bear and learning all about smells, I sneak into the bathroom for The Ultimate Hair Fighting Championship.

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.

Using the same procedure, I then apply the wax strip across the right side on my bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching up into the inside of the right ass cheek.

(Yeah, it was a long strip.)

I inhale deeply. I brace myself.

RRRIIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind! Blind from the pain!

Vision returning.

Oh crap. I've managed to pull off half an inch of the strip.

Another deep breath. And RIIIP! Everything is swirly and tie-dyed?

Do I hear crashing drums?

OK, coming back to normal again.

I want to see my trophy - my wax covered pelt that caused me so much agony.

I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold the wax strip like an Olympic gold medallist.

But why is there no hair on it?

Why is the wax mostly gone?

Where could the wax go, if not on the strip?

Slowly, I eased my head down, my foot still perched on the toilet.

I see hair - the hair that should be on the strip.

I touch.

I feel.

I am touching wax.

I look to the ceiling and silently shout "nooooooo!!"

And realize I have just begun living my own personal version of "The Tar Baby."

I peel my fingers off the softest, most sensitive part of my body that is now covered in cold wax and matted hair, and make the next big mistake - up until this point, you'll remember, I've had my foot on the toilet.

I know I need to move, to do something.

So I put my foot down on the floor.

And then I hear the slamming of the cell door.

Vagina? Sealed shut.

Ass? Sealed shut.

A little voice in my head says "I hope you don't have to shit anytime soon. Your head just might pop off."

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying desperately to figure out what I should do next.

Hot water!

Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand and get in - the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it away, right?

Wrong.

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than is used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment.

And I sit.

Now the only thing worse than having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of a tub.

In scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, does not melt the cold wax.

So now I'm stuck to the tub.

I call my friend, Celia, because she once dropped out of beauty school so surely she has some secret knowledge or trick to get wax off skin. It's never good to start a conversation with "So my ass and virgina are stuck to the tub."

She doesn't have a trick.

She does her best to suppress laughter.

She wants to know exactly where the wax is on the ass - "Are we talking cheek or hole, here?" she asks.

She isn't even trying to hide the giggles now.

I give her the run-down of the entire night.

She tells me to call the number on the side of the box, but to have a good cover story for where the wax actually is.

"You know that if we were working the help line at XX Wax Co.and somebody called with their entire crack sealed shut we'd just put them on hold then record the conversation for everyone we know.

You're going to end up on a radio show or the internet if you tell them the truth."

"While we go through various solutions, I have resorted to scraping the wax off with a razor. Boy, nothing feels better to the girly goodies than covering them in wax, sticking them to a tub in super hot water and THEN dry shaving the sticky wax off!

In the middle of the conversation (which has inexplicably turned to other subjects!) I find the little, beautiful saving grace that is the lotion provided with wax to remove the excess. I rub some in and start screaming

"It's working! It's working!" I get hearty congratulations from Celia and we hang up.

I successfully remove all the wax and notice, to my dismay, that the hair is still there.

So I shaved the damned stuff off.

Hell, I was numb by that point anyway.

And then I put the box of wax back in my medicine cabinet.

Never know when a moustache might start to come in.

when i said bad jokes i meant in bad taste

four men were seen in beijing carrying 6ft by 6ft wood panels

It was the irish fencing team

they have launched a new version of facebook to stop cyber bullying for the indians pakistanis and africans

...its called Jungle book

its now against the law to wear items of clothing on the wrong parts of the body as gary glitter was caught wearing a thai on his cock