GenderLife Forum: The Information Exchange

Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton.


One student turned in the following book report, With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!

His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.

Titanic:.... Cost - $29.99
Clinton:.... Cost - $29.99

Titanic:... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:... Over 3 hours to read

Titanic:... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic:... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:... Bill is a bullsh!t artist.

Titanic:.... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:.... Ditto for Bill.

Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.

Titanic:.... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:... Let's not go there.

Titanic:.... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton:.... Monica' S forced to return her gifts.

Titanic:.... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:.....Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:..... Monica.. ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing

According to British Bankers, nowadays, the balance-sheet analysis is quite easy:

- on the left side, there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left.

what do you call a fly inside a finnish persons head ?
.
.

a space invader

What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies !

Happy Mother

A mother had three daughters and on their wedding she tells each one to write back about their married life. To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to using newspaper advertisements as a "code" to let the mother know how their love lives are going.

The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives with a single message, simply: "MAXWELL COFFEE HOUSE". Mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell Coffee House advertisement and it says: "Satisfaction to the last drop..." So, Mother is happy.

Then the second daughter gets married. After a week there was a message that reads: "ROTHMANS MATTRESSES". So the Mother looks at the Rothman's Mattresses ad, and it say: "FULL SIZE, KING SIZE". And mother is happy.

Then it was the third one's wedding. Mother was anxious. After four weeks came the message: "BRITISH AIRWAYS". And mother looks into the British Airways ad, but this time she fainted. The ad reads: "THREE TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS".

You cannot explain everything

A farmer sat in a bar dispirited having a purpose to get drunk. The bartender became curious and asked:
- Why are you so depressed?
- Some things you just cannot explain
- What horrible has happened then?
- Nah if you must know that, I will tell you. I was today milking, and when I had got the bucket almost half-filled, Mansikki threw up her hind leg and kicked the bucket down.
- Nah that is not horrible. One have had milk on the ground before.

- Some things you just cannot explain.
- What happened next?
- I took a rope and tied the left leg of Mansikki to a pillar. After that I continued milking. When I got the bucket half-filled again, Mansikki threw up her right hind leg and turned over the bucket again.
- Again?

- Some things you just cannot explain.
- What did you do then?
- I did bind her right hind leg too, as I had done previously with the left hind leg.
- And then?

- I continued milking. When the bucket was over half-filled, that cow swiped at the bucket down with her tail.
- Nah, even a even-tempered could get angry with that...
- Some things you just cannot explain.
- ????

- I didn't have more rope so I took my belt off my trousers and strapped the tail into a purlin above me. There and then my trousers fell off and the lady of the house walked into the barn.

How does a man keep his youth? By giving them money, furs and diamonds.

i see andy murray the tennis player the other day
i said andy do u fancy doubling up ...he said sure so i kicked the curly headed scottish wanker in the bollox

whats the difference between michael jackson and alex ferguson ?
.
Ferguson will be playing giggs in august !!

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in the middle of the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to
disperse.
"But why?" they ask, as they moved off.
"Because," said the manager, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an
open foyer."