GenderLife Forum: The Information Exchange

ok i thought wed do a tastless humour post for all bad jokes ...so if anyone gets offended they can just avoid the post as its all in bad taste !!!

ok ..
i went to a party the other week and a caterer said to me while getting food from the buffet ...would u like to try some ox tongue ? ... i replied ...NO i think its disgusting eating things from animals mouths ..... Have u got any Eggs !!!!


They found out the cause of the foot and mouth disease outbreak in cattle in wales

It Was Saddam Hussien ....It Was islam [ His Lamb ] !!

Come on bad taste jokes here anything goes !!

Lets be politically Incorrect !!

Good Idea!

So, the liberal says "I think we ought to collect all the money and assets and divide it all equally to everybody"

His conservative friend says "That wouldn't do any good because after a while it would all end up right back in the hands of a few people"

The liberal says "I don't think you understand, I mean we should do this every Saturday"

Next!!

Umm, remember the space shuttle blew up..

What does NASA stand for...Need Another Seven Astronauts

The captains eyes were blue...Yes, one blew this way and the other blew that way.

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This one for the Canadians...Canadian speak to god about the creation and balancing North America.

"Ah," said God. "Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast-line. The people from Canada are modest, intelligent and humorous and they're to to be found traveling the world. There an extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving people, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

The Canadian gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What about this balance you speak of, God? You said there would be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to you."

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This is the transcript on an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US Naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10 - 10 - 95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES` ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

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Q: Why do American 18-year-olds take sex education courses?

A: So they can learn what they've been doing wrong for the past six year years.

Sign on the wall of the american marine core headquarters:
"If you kill for joy, you are a sadist.
If you kill for money, you are a mercenary.
If you kill for both of the above, you are an American.

How many wives does the average American husband have?
Answer: 10, 1 at home and 9 in Utah.

How many Americans does it take to buy a gallon of gas?
Answer: 250,000 to seize it and one to pump it.

Why do Amerikan wars always come in twos?
Answer: The first one creates terrorists and the second one does too.

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Oh, I'll try to remember better ones next time.

lol

An ameican . a canadian and a scotsman were standing on top of the eiffel tower

the american turns to the scotsman and says i bet i can jump of this building and land right back here !1

The scotsman says ok if u do it first i`ll do it too

so the american jumps off and just b4 he hits the ground he somersaults springs his legs and bounces straight up and lands on his feet where he started at

Jesus proclaims the scotsman i can do that !! so the scotsman jumps off and goes SPLAT all over the road below

The Canadian then turns round to the american and says

Superman you aint half a bastard when youre drunk !!

an Lady goes into the harware shop to get her clock mended and the shop assistant says to her

" You Wanna screw for that clock "

The lady replies

No But I`ll Give you A Blow job For That Toaster

ok a couble of irony jokes here dont take offence
coz we poke fun at bad events thats our humour in britain and australia !!

whats the difference between a muslim t?rrorist and a load of smartie sweets ?

Smarties don`t blow up in the tube !!

we called the muslim terrorists in london the chocolate bombers
coz they bew up two tubes and a double dekker !!

Whats an americans favourite flavour crisps? Plane !!

osama was asked why he had two planes hit the twin towers

Osama replied

well it was New york

And like Gerrard Kenny sang New York new york is so good we bombed it twice
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Last words princess diana said to dodi fayed ?

You Can wipe that merc off of your face !!!
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ronald regan wnt up to heaven when he died
and after 3 months he went up to st peter and said
St Peter Can i have a set of wings ?

Certainly said St Peter
So ronald flew around happily

1 month laterronald regan goes up to st peter and says
St Peter i been here 4 months now can i have a Halo

A Halo replied St Peter No ne here Has A Halo Ronald !!

Ronald regan replies But princess diana is over there and she is wearing A HALO

St Peter Replies ...That Aint No Halo ...Thats A Steering Wheel !!

LMAO

What would Princess Di be doing if she were alive today?

Scratching at the inside of her coffin...

A penguin is travelling cross country when all of a sudden his engine starts running really roughly. He goes to a nearby exit and pulls off into a small town to find a mechanic. He finds one and tells him what his engine is doing.

The mechanic says "Sir, it will take me about an hour to look things over and tell you what's wrong" The penguin decides to find a restauraunt nearby to get lunch in the meanwhile. He orders the fish, eats it, and finding he was still a bit hungry, he orders a bowl of ice cream for dessert.

As he's eating the ice cream (and not having hands, he eats it with his beak) he noticed that the hour was up. So he hurriedly finishes up and heads toward the mechanic's shop, without pausing to use a napkin, even.

When he comes into the repair place, the mechanic says, "Sir, it looks to me like you blew a seal." The penguin replied, "Oh, no, I just had some ice cream. "

A little old lady of 90 lives in a retirement home. She hasn't had sex in decades and decides she wants to have sex at least one more time before she dies.

She figures that at least one of the old men in the home would be up for doing it with her so one morning she puts on her dress but doesn't wear any panties.

She walks out on the porch where three men are sitting and chatting away. She approaches them, pulls up her skirt and says "Super Pussy." No reaction from the men.

She enters the parlor where two men are watching tv, pulls up her dress and again says "Super Pussy." Again, there is no reaction.

She thinks to herself that this is ridiculous, there must be one guy here that's interested. As she enters the kitchen she sees another old man sitting at the table. She approaches him, pulls up her dress and again says, "Super Pussy." This time the old man looks up and says, "I'll have the soup."