GenderLife Forum: The Information Exchange

two gay men working in a sweet shop
one turns to the other and says
i bet i can name any swwet it is if u put it in my bum hole

So the other man says ok

And he sticks a small round sweet in his bum
the man chews it around in his bum cheeks and replies

It`s a Malteser !!

Correct says the man

So he sticks a long sweet in his bum

the other man turns round and says ...its a mars bar !!

Blimey exclaims the other man you`re Right

Getting annoyes with the other man he tries to fool him
and undoes his trousers and sticks his cock in his bum

The other man replies

ooooooooooooooooooooo Thats A Treet !!

Cor Blimey! Thats a bit rude. Hur Hur.

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A Scotsman finds a fly in his pint of beer. What does he do?

He picks it out by the wings and says "You'll spit that out you wee bastard"

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A Scottish farmer was in his field digging up his tatties (potatoes) when an American farmer looked over the fence and said "In Texas we grow potatoes 5 times larger than that!"

The Scotsman replied " Ah but we just grow them for our own mouths!"

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There was an Scotsman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Wales. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train,there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was this kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Scotsman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Englishman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped.

The Englishman was thinking: 'The Scottish fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'

Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Scotsman and got slapped for it.'

And the Scotsman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make that kissing noise and slap that English b**tard again .

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Q: What do you call the sweat produced when two rednecks are having sex?

A: Relative humidity.

Q: What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop,clip-clop, bang, bang, clip-clop, clip-clop?

A: An Amish drive-by shooting.

Q: What is the difference between a redneck divorce and a tornado?

A: Nothing. You're gonna lose the trailer either way!

Q: What's the difference between an American and a hippopotamus?

A: About 30 Kilo.

Q: What's the difference between an American and a refrigerator?

A: An American can take in more food.

Q: How is an American like Pac-Man?

A: They both eat everything in sight.

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what do ya call a fly in George Bush`s head ?

A Space Invader

And what is roadkill in Tennessee?

The Sunday meal!

man goes to see the doctor and says

" Doctor Doctor i keep thinking im Tom Jones

Doctor replies

" oH It`s Not Unusual

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George Michael and elton John In the mens Toilets together
Elton Turns round and says Goerge why are you wearing a glove ?

George michael replies

Oh I Got A Blind Date

How many (whomever) does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
(dumb blonde or me in response) They make lightbulbs big enough to screw in?


A plane loses an engine and the pilot has to ask for volunteers to lighten the load or they'll all crash and die.

A Frenchman jumps out screaming 'Viva la France'
A Brit stands up, steps out and states 'God save the queen'
A big burly Texan gets up, looks from side to side, grabs the mexican next to him and shouts 'Remember the Alamo'

Why does this joke remind me of another texan wanting to save the rest of us by 'volunteering' someone other than themselves and shouting unrelated reasons?

Funny how when americans crack american jokes, its always about texans or rednecks. Hmmm.

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During World War II, a young American airman landed on an aircraft carrier.

He jumped out of the cockpit and exclaimed, "What a day! I shot down two Zeros, sank a destroyer, and torpedoed a battleship!"

"Velly good," came the reply. "but you make one rittle mistake."

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A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke"?

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A nun at a Catholic school asked her students what they want to be when they grow up.

Little Suzy declares, "I want to be a prostitute."

"What did you say?!" asks the nun, totally shocked.

"I said I want to be a prostitute," Suzy repeats.

"Oh, thank heavens," says the nun. "I thought you said 'a Protestant!'"

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Q. What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common?

A. You always hear about them but never see them.

Q. Why does it take longer to build a Blond snowman as opposed to a regular one?

A. You have to hollow out the head.

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Q: How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

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This black dude is driving his Polish friend and their Jewish buddy to the airport when a fly comes in the open window and lands on the steering wheel. The driver very carefully moves his hand towards the fly and in one quick motion smacks it dead.

A little later another fly comes in the window and lands on the back seat. The Polish friend very carefully moves his hand close, catches it and pops it into his mouth. The Jew has watched all of this. Soon another fly comes along and lands close to the Jew.

The Jew does exactly what the Pole had done and catches the fly. He then turns to the Pole and says "Want to buy a fly?"

Politically incorrect enough for you Natalie? If its not just replace "black dude" with the "N" word

whats the difference between An American politician and a shopping trolley ?

A Shopping Trolley has a mind of its own !!!


what do ya call a naked deaf man with a small willy ?

anything he can`t hear you !

Ok, one day Bill Clinton is walking outside and sees a message in the snow that says "Bill is a jackass". So, he becomes enraged about this and has the FBI investiage the matter outside still on the White House lawn.

The FBI director comes back and tells Bill that after a complete crime scene investigation that they have found the culprit who did this. Mr. Clinton impatiently sits back and twiddles his thumbs as he tells the director to go ahead and give him the facts.

"Well Mr. President, it appears that the culprit was that of Newt Gingrech himself. However, after further investigation we found that even though it was his urine, it was written in the First Lady's handwriting.